on mother's day...

I wanted to celebrate Mother's Day this year.  No, I mean, I wanted to be celebrated as a Mother this year.

But instead...I eavesdropped.
(On a non-related note, my sisters could tell you stories of my professional eavesdropping they have observed.  If you'd like a good laugh, talk to them.)


Yes, you read correctly.  Eavesdropping vs. Mother's Day.

My husband, Blake, and I took road trip this past weekend to South Carolina to visit some of our very dear friends.  It was a great trip, by the way.

We had dinner Saturday night at a pizza place and were seated outside.  Soon after we got our food, I noticed a nearby table where a family of five was sitting.  It was a couple and their three, tween-age boys.  As I took a bite of my delicious, flatbread pizza, I mentioned, quietly observing, "Wow, three boys!  Wouldn't that be something?!"

I turned my attention back to the conversation at hand.  We talked, laughed and then quieted, as to focus on our grub.

A few minutes later, the same table caught my eye.  The father and sons raised their glasses of Diet Coke, sweet tea or Mountain Dew for a toast.  I didn't hear how the toast was initiated, but my heart melted when I heard what came out of their "cheers!"

Each of the three tweens were completely engrossed in the toast, as the father said, "To the BEST Mom in the world!"  The boys shook their heads in agreement, and the family toasted their mother and wife.

When I heard this, I looked at my girlfriend, who was sitting beside me and had been observing the same scene, unbeknownst to me.  We both burst into tears, quickly wiped them away with our napkins and giggled at each other for being so sentimental to a stranger's celebration.

I wondered why my reaction was so emotional.  But I quickly realized how much I want to be celebrated as a Mother.  I desire and long to be celebrated as a Mother.  But more than that, I long to raise children that love the Lord and love others well.

Jesus met me in that moment and reminded me that I AM celebrated.  Mother or not, I celebrate the woman you are.  I celebrates the woman that you are becoming.  Lean into me.  Let me take you to places where I can change who you are.  Let me write stories in your life that will create you into a better character than you would be if it was easy.

I AM celebrated.  And God is the same God regardless of who I am.  He is creating, molding, pruning and growing me into who he wants me to be, so that I might reveal His glory in all that I do...Mother or not.

To those of you who are Mother's...Happy Mother's Day, a couple days late.  May you continue to grow more into the woman, wife, daughter, sister, MOTHER, that God has created you to be.  Love well and live passionately.

letting go.

i have worries, fears and burdens.  my life is filled with struggle, disappointment and darkness.  in the moment, it feels just fine to carry all those hard circumstances, difficult situations and broken dreams with me, like a burlap sack full of feed.  throw it over my shoulder and walk.  keep. going. step. by. step. don't. slow. down.

my mind is a trap sometimes.  subconsciously rolling the same concern around and around, like a marble in a never-ending maze.

that's when letting go just might feel better.  maybe.

but i don't mean letting go in a nonchalant, apathetic, indifferent way.

i'm talking about taking that burlap sack filled with dirt, rocks and ugliness.  digging out each rock, pouring out all the dirt, burning the burlap sack and leaving it all behind.

write it on a piece of paper and leave it at the wailing wall.  give it to God.  let the Lord worry about it and carry it for you.  surrender the deepest, darkest parts of your heart to Jesus.  let him carry the sack.

i'm realizing, that what i worry about, fret over and can't get off my mind, doesn't have to be packaged just right or made into a fancy product for the Lord.  he hears me just the same.  he hears me.  he remembers.  he knows exactly when to act.

so i'm letting go...day by day, each and every day, giving all my burdens over to the King.  trusting that He hears and cares for me.  believing that he will not abandon me.  burning up my burlap sack full of grief, brokenness, shattered heart, disappointment, jealousy, anger, bitterness, loneliness and isolation.  He can handle it.  no matter what i feel.

so breathe in and breathe out.  and let go.  again.  and.  again.

here by david leonard, kari jobe, leslie jordan
come and rest here
come and lay your burdens down
come and rest here 
there is refuge for you now


you'll find his peace and know you're not alone any more
he is near
you'll find his healing
your heart isn't shattered anymore
he is here


breathe in breathe out
you will you will find him here


i will rest in you

On prayer...and more

Lately, I have not really known how to pray.  How do you pray in accordance with God's will if you don't know His will?  I started Anne Lamott's Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith today.  She quotes Kathleen Norris, "Prayer is not asking for what you think you want, but asking to be changed in ways you can't imagine."

Today, I don't really like that.  I might like both parts separately...but not together.

I want to pray for things I want (and believe God hears me).  But sometimes, I don't want to be changed.  I want to sit in my junk and be.  I want to be sad, angry, bitter, disappointed, discouraged.

Tonight, we studied John 9, the story of the blind man Jesus healed with spit and mud.  The disciples ask WHY?  Why was this man born blind?  Was it because of his own sins or his parents' sin?

Jesus' reply was that this happened so that the power of God could be displayed in him.

Once again, that shifts my mentality and perspective in the midst of difficult circumstances.

It reminds me that my struggle, the desert, the darkness in my life is here to draw me to Him for HIS GLORY.

I love that.  It makes this hard season worth it.

Evermore - Hillsong
And as I look upon Your name
Circumstances fade away
Now Your glory steals my heart
You are holy.
Evermore my heart, my heart will say
Above all, I live for Your glory.
Even if my world falls, I will say
Above all, I live for Your glory.

Promises

First, it's important that you know that I finally got an iPhone.  I know, I know, I'm a little bit behind.  In fact, I was pretty sure before I got it that I am an old soul, but now I know for sure.

On my new iPhone, I can access my Bible anytime through my Biblegateway.com app.  I joined a reading plan called "God's Promises."  It's a 7-day plan, and they email me the passage of the day.

Today's reading is from Hebrews 10:35-36 and verse 39.  I don't really like reading chunks without a context, so I backed up to Hebrews 10:1 and started to read, but I didn't get far.

Hebrews 10: 22-23

Let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him.  ...Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.

This reminded me of some promises that I claimed in my journal several months ago.  I went back and re-read them and as I claim them in my life, I also want to share them with you.

God is for me.   Romans 8:31
The Lord answers and sets me free.  He is for me, so I will have no fear.   Psalm 118:5-7
The Lord will work out his plans for my life.  His faithful love endures forever.   Psalm 138:8
The Lord directs my steps.  He delights in every detail of my life.   Psalm 37:23
I know the Lord is always with me.  I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.   Psalm 16:8
God listens and pays attention.  He did not and will not ignore me or take away his love.   Psalm 66:19    
I will not be abandoned by God.   2 Corinthians 4:8
I have placed my confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue me.   2 Corinthians 1:10
He has overcome the world.   John 16:33
I have confidence in approaching God.  If I ask anything according to his will, he hears me.   1 John 5:14
Neither my fears for today nor worries about tomorrow can separate me from God's love.   Romans 8:38
I will see the goodness of the Lord, when I patiently wait.   Psalm 27:13-14


These verses...and so many more...have been a place of truth and confirmation about my God, when I don't necessarily feel Him near or have a hard time trusting His plan.

These promises help me reaffirm that I can go into His presence, fully trusting him.  He can be trusted.

So I will not worry or fret.  My God is the God who will never forget.  All of His goodness and all of His promises.  He's holding my world in His hands. (Kristian Stanfill's Holding My World)

My Advocate

I recently began volunteering with Child Advocates, an organization located in Indianapolis (called CASA nationwide) that was created to represent and protect the best interest of children who are involved in legal proceedings.

I am a CASA, or Court Appointed Special Advocate.  I am assigned to cases of children who experienced life-threatening abuse or neglect and have been placed in protective custody, such as with a relative or in a foster home.  I contact caseworkers, talk with biological parents, visit foster homes, make sure they are receiving necessary medical care, look out for educational interests and make recommendations in court about where the child should ultimately end up.  I am one of few "constants" in these children's lives.

Simply put, I am there to ensure that the basic needs of the child are met.

I really love what Romans 8 has to say about our very own Advocate.

Verse 26 And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We don't know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through groans that cannot be expressed in words.  27 And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's will for us.  28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose for them.  29 For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.

I can declare with full confidence that my basic needs will be met by a God who is guided by the Holy Spirit.  Our Father KNOWS.  He HEARS.  And He DRAWS CLOSE.

John 5:17 says, "My Father is ALWAYS working and so am I."

He doesn't take a break.  He will not leave, forsake, abandon, reject or take away his Spirit from me.

He is CONSTANT.  He is STEADY.  He is NEAR.
                                         He is PROVIDER.  He is HEALER.  He is TEACHER.

Just Grace

Saved by the grace of God.  
It's only through the grace of God that I am here.
But for God's grace...

There are so many things said about grace, so many feelings, thoughts, prayers, beliefs.  If we could only choose ONE characteristic with which to describe our God and only one characteristic could remain of God, I have a feeling people would choose GRACE.  I certainly would think about choosing it.

Grace is unmerited.  Grace is unwarranted.  It's undeserved.

You can't earn it.  You can't repay it.  And you can't get away from it.

I was reading in John 1:14-18 yesterday.
Verse 14 So the Word became human, and made his home among us.  He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness.  And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father's one and only Son.  15 John testified about him when he shouted to the crowds, "This is the one I was talking about when I said, 'Someone is coming after me who is far greater than I am, for he existed long before me."


16 From his abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another.  17 For the law was given through Moses, but God's unfailing love and faithfulness came through Jesus Christ.  18 No one has ever seen God.  But the one and only Son is himself God and is near to the Father's heart.  He has revealed God to us.

I love the picture of Jesus Christ coming in human form and making his HOME among me.  Jesus makes his home among us, living and walking right beside us, dwelling in our midst.

Then, in verse 16, we have all received one gracious blessing after another.

So often, I think of God extending us grace on the cross through his son, Jesus.  But here's the thing about that act of grace:  it's not the END.

From God's abundance, he extends grace to us again and again.

I need that in my life, don't you?  I need the Lord to draw near to me, pull me close and extend grace to me.  Over and over and over again.

Sacrifice of Praise

Sacrifice as defined by Google's dictionary is "an act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy" or "to give up something important or valued for the sake of other considerations".

So what does it mean to bring a "sacrifice of praise"?  As in, Hebrews 13:15--Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise--the fruit of lips that openly profess his name.

I don't get it.

During church this morning, our worship leader prayed about our "sacrifice of praise", and I stopped praying, opened my eyes and looked at him like that was the first time I had heard that phrase.

Obviously, I have heard the phrase before, but I think it hit me in a new way this morning.  (See link to 1984 Christian song:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Grn4pGm2Hx0)

So often, we come to worship with certain expectations.  We want to be apart of a church that has a really great band, progressive song choices, neat light shows...really modern, cool stuff, a great atmosphere.  And if it's not that way, we have problems.  They didn't play my favorite song.  The guitar was a little off this morning.  The tempo was not like the record.  Or I just really wasn't feeling it this morning.  I can think of many different complaints that I have either heard or had about worship.

This morning, when I heard that phrase, I really stopped to think about that.  What does it mean to bring a sacrifice of praise?  Is my worship a sacrifice of praise?

I. Don't. Think. So.

A sacrifice of praise isn't easy.  Or it wouldn't be called a sacrifice.  Sacrifice is to give up, to surrender for the sake of something more important or more worthy.  It's not bringing praise when I feel like it, when life is easy, when everything is going my way.  In fact, I think it's quite the opposite.

I think of Jonah and the greatest fishing story ever told.

The Lord gave him a specific command: "Get up and go to the great city of Ninevah.  Announce my judgment against it because I have seen how wicked its people are."  But Jonah ran.  He got up and went in the opposite direction to get away from the Lord.

You know the story.  He boards a boat, hoping to escape the Lord by sailing to another land.  So, the Lord sends a powerful storm, the crew figures out it was because of Jonah, and they throw him overboard where a great fish swallows Jonah.

From inside the fish, Jonah prays (verse 9), "But I, with shouts of grateful praise, will sacrifice to you.  What I have vowed I will make good.  I will say, 'Salvation comes from the Lord."

Jonah was in a predicament.  He was in a fish.  The last thing I would FEEL like doing would be bringing a sacrifice of praise to the Lord.  BUT..the truth of the matter was that 'salvation comes from the Lord.'  The ONLY way he was getting out of this situation was the Lord's salvation.

I NEED THAT SALVATION.

So this morning, as I sat there listening to this prayer, my sacrifice of praise was to give up my selfish motives and desires, put aside my distractions and lay aside my agenda to make HIS name known, to bring glory to the name of the One who Saves, to allow Him to draw near to me in my need, in my predicaments, in my mess.

This became my prayer:  Break down my pride, and all the walls I've built up inside.  Our earthy crowns and all our desires, we lay at Your feet.

My heart sang a song With Everything by Hillsong.
So let hope rise, and darkness tremble in Your holy light, and every eye will see Jesus, our God, great and mighty to be praised.  God of all days, glorious in all of Your ways.  Your majesty, the wonder and grace, in the light of Your name.

With everything, with EVERYTHING, we will shout for your glory.  With everything, with everything, we will shout forth your praise.

Our hearts will cry, be glorified.  Be lifted high above all names.  For You our King, with everything, we will shout forth your praise.


The bottom line is this:  My sacrifice of praise looks differently after I examine the areas of my life that I need, desperately need, His salvation.  But more importantly, it comes from a place of GRATEFUL praise.